Over the past month, I have been making it my mission to spread the good word about the life-changing, mind blowing, elixir made by God himself and handed down to America in my opinion for abolishing slavery. Of course I am talking about Southern Comfort. Don't let the title fool you, it is also very possible to derive a sense of gentle pleasure i.e. "comfort" from this nectar anywhere within the continental United States nay the world itself. However, throughout my quest, I have met with numerous obstacles in the form of members of the ill-informed yet extremely vocal masses tossing around jewels of wisdom or "misinformation" as I like to call it about Southern Comfort. "It's a brand of whiskey" "It's a type of brandy". Look shut it, just shut your mouth. You're just making yourself look stupid and giving me a headache. I'm about to lay out the facts in a clear and simple manner, there will be no question and answer session, but there could be a quiz later so pay attention.

Southern Comfort is a fruit, spice, and whiskey flavored liquer. It is made from a blend of whiskey, peach, apricot, orange, vanilla, sugar, and cinnamon flavors. Southern Comfort was invented in 1889 by Irish bartender Martin Wilkes Heron, much like John Wilkes Booth but with more fermentation and less assassination. Heron's original recipe started with the best bourbon he could find, then he would add an inch of vanilla bean, about a quarter of a lemon, half of a cinnamon stick, four cloves, a few cherries and an orange bit or two. He would let this soak for days, then right when he was ready to finish he would add this sweetener, he liked to use honey. If anyone ever tries making this, e-mail me and let me know how it turns out. Heron later moved to Memphis, Tennessee and in 1889 patented his famous creation and began selling it in sealed bottles with the slogan "None Genuine But Mine" and "Two per customer. No Gentleman would ask for more." Southern Comfort won a gold medal at the 1904 World's Fair in St. Louis and the rest is history.

Now that we've covered the basic facts, we'll go over some practical applications. Southern Comfort is used in the creation of many popular mixed drinks, including Soco and lime, the "Alabama Slammer", "Red Death", "A Piece of Ass", "Red Devil", "Greek Sex on the Beach", "Crash & Burn", "'57 Chevy", "Sloe Comfortable Screw", "SloScrew", "Slo Sunrise", "Rickstasy", "SocaCola", "SoCo Manhattan", "Blind Andy", "SoCo Andy" and "Funky Cold Medina."

One of the earliest Southern Comfort-based cocktails to be marketed was the Scarlett O'Hara, concocted in tribute to the release of the film adaptation of Gone with the Wind in 1939. The mixture includes Southern Comfort, cranberry juice, and fresh lime.

Another great drink and, in my opinion, the most appropriately named cocktails of all time is the Ultimate Southern. It is a mixture of Southern Comfort and Mountain Dew. Also appropriately this drink has caught on among NASCAR fans and RPG gamers for it's potent mixture of alcohol, sugar and caffeine. Woot!

On a personal note, my own humble contribution to SoCo mixology is a little concoction I like to call the Sweet Side. You take one shot of Southern Comfort, drop it in a tall glass of sweet tea, then sit back and enjoy. I like to think of it as the sharecropper's version of the plantation owner's mint julep.

So now that you've been schooled all I ask is that you pay it forward. The next time you hear someone running their mouth about Southern Comfort A) Slap that smug look off their face B) Give them a big hug to let them know it will be ok, then C) Direct them to this article. Together we can make the world a better place one idiot at a time. And remember to always look at the sweet side of life.